Somebody Out There Must Be Needy For A Weedy Shy Guy

Yep, they're all shy. It's totally not you.

There are more than 1.5 million men in Melbourne.

All shy.

Stuff & Nonsense

I intend to make fun of this as soon as I figure out what the hell it says.

Are You There, God? It's Me, Awestruck Tall Guy

Deifying the object of your affection - now that's flattery. But consider the implications of such a compliment. The following may also be described as godlike.

Dr. Manhattan:












Cthulhu:












The Monolith:












None of which you would want to take out to dinner (everyone knows the Monolith never puts out anyway).

On, Lusty Gentlemen!

You again? I'm guessing your first love poem wasn't received so well? It's not yet been three weeks and you're already writing poetry to someone else.

"O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circle orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable."

I do admire how seriously you're taking the Romeo thing though - he's all depressed at the start of the play because he's been turned down, then instantly falls madly in love with the next girl he meets. My advice? Get thee to an apothecary.

It's A Shame Nick Cave Doesn't Catch The Tram

That's correct Franco, you do.








... did you want to ask her anything?

I Assume They're All Busy Having Pillow Fights

What I love about this is how specific she is. I'm betting she's had to turn a few offers down at some point.

Girl: "Hey, you're pretty cute..."

Sarah: "Hang on, how old are you?"

Girl: "23."

Sarah: "Fuck off."

Girl: "Excuse me?"

Sarah: "Listen, as far as I'm concerned, lesbians are like apartments. I'm not moving in unless it has new carpet."

In Russia, Commuter Stalks You!

Given how much you use the word "da," I can assume one of three things.
1. You're Russian.
2. You're 50 Cent.
3. You're actually 50 Cent's Russian equivalent, Pyat'desyat Rubles (Pублевок 50).

Miss H, the only thing I know about you is that you can do better.

Disclaimer: "All Day" Means From 7:21 pm Onwards

Warren of Noble Park: when using the second-person singular simple past tense verb of “were,” followed immediately by the subject pronoun of “you” to begin a sentence, that sentence should end with a question mark to denote the enquiry implied by your word choice.

Everything else in your letter should guarantee you scoring.