14 February, 2009

I See Myself As The Grinch Of This Particular Holiday

Sure, mX has a two-page spread devoted to Valentine's Day love letters, a third of which is taken up by an ad for cheap domestic flights. And sure, there's a myriad of awful poetry that I could have a field day with. But you expect bad poetry on Valentine's Day. What really gets to me are the god-awful metaphors people like to use in regular prose dedications.

Chocolate bunnies are for Easter so you may have gotten confused in the gift-buying process, glow sticks fade after three hours, Gandalf is never looking for a serious relationship and I don't even want to know what a goddamn sugar snaffler is.

Wait, wasn't the sugar snaffler a less popular character on Sesame St?

06 February, 2009

Get Off My Lawn

Yes, you should. Blonde girl, call him immediately. I know I'm supposed to make fun of these, but the idea of Gran Torino as a date movie is so awesome I just can't bring myself to do it.

03 February, 2009

The Gropes Of Wrath

Accidentally, Matt? Really?

Maybe this sort of approach works, but I don't see how you can go from inadvertently reaching second base to intentionally stepping up to bat.