27 April, 2009

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin Or Else It Gets The Hose Again

Ok, so in the time I've been running this blog I've seen references to polygamy, cannibalism and public urination, but this is a new low. Word of advice to YYY: you might want to make sure what you're saying is actually an innuendo and not just a description of animal cruelty. For instance, offering to cut off someone's skin, cure it with salt and hang it decoratively on your wall is not an innuendo. Neither are any of the following:

To the girl wearing a shirt with a horse on it, I want to cut off your feet and render them into glue. Single?

To the girl wearing a panda hoodie, I want to force you to breed in captivity. Drinks?

To the girl with the tiger print bag, I want to systematically poach your species to the brink of extinction and sell your genitals as an aphrodisiac. Coffee?

See? It's creepy.

17 April, 2009

Regular Services Will Resume Shortly, Here's Leering Apologises For Any Incovenience Caused

Where the hell have I been? Or more importantly, where have all the lonely-but-a-little-bit-weird commuters been? Was there some kind of amnesty declared between Valentine's and Easter? Admittedly between working nights and starting uni I haven't picked up every mX, but I got most of them and there seemed to be nothing but genuine, generic and genial romantic intentions!

And so for two months I have been without viable source material, but no more. It's good to be back.

By the way, I too am taken so I can't ask you out either. I'd also like to apologise on behalf of a friend of mine who's single but not really looking for anything right now because things are kind of complicated, as well as the Norse god Odin (he could ask you out, but you're not his type).

Am I missing some vital train etiquette here, are we supposed to explain ourselves to every girl who sits next to us? Because apparently sitting nearby constitutes an expression of interest according to Glen. Poor Glen, it must be a nightmare having hundreds of people asking you out every day.

Wow, people actually call themselves Sk8a Boi, huh? Now, last time someone mentioned Pokemon I said I wasn't going on Wikipedia. This time I did, and "Evey" redirects to Evey Hammond from V For Vendetta, which is infinitely better. Unless the aforementioned Pokemon has powers that involve corrupt fascist governments in the not-too-distant future.

Pokemon fans, feel free to enlighten me in the comments. Avril Lavigne fans, feel free to destroy my love of the English language with further grammatical abominations.