Somebody Out There Must Be Needy For A Weedy Shy Guy

Yep, they're all shy. It's totally not you.

There are more than 1.5 million men in Melbourne.

All shy.

Stuff & Nonsense

I intend to make fun of this as soon as I figure out what the hell it says.

Are You There, God? It's Me, Awestruck Tall Guy

Deifying the object of your affection - now that's flattery. But consider the implications of such a compliment. The following may also be described as godlike.

Dr. Manhattan:












Cthulhu:












The Monolith:












None of which you would want to take out to dinner (everyone knows the Monolith never puts out anyway).

On, Lusty Gentlemen!

You again? I'm guessing your first love poem wasn't received so well? It's not yet been three weeks and you're already writing poetry to someone else.

"O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circle orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable."

I do admire how seriously you're taking the Romeo thing though - he's all depressed at the start of the play because he's been turned down, then instantly falls madly in love with the next girl he meets. My advice? Get thee to an apothecary.

It's A Shame Nick Cave Doesn't Catch The Tram

That's correct Franco, you do.








... did you want to ask her anything?

I Assume They're All Busy Having Pillow Fights

What I love about this is how specific she is. I'm betting she's had to turn a few offers down at some point.

Girl: "Hey, you're pretty cute..."

Sarah: "Hang on, how old are you?"

Girl: "23."

Sarah: "Fuck off."

Girl: "Excuse me?"

Sarah: "Listen, as far as I'm concerned, lesbians are like apartments. I'm not moving in unless it has new carpet."

In Russia, Commuter Stalks You!

Given how much you use the word "da," I can assume one of three things.
1. You're Russian.
2. You're 50 Cent.
3. You're actually 50 Cent's Russian equivalent, Pyat'desyat Rubles (Pублевок 50).

Miss H, the only thing I know about you is that you can do better.

Disclaimer: "All Day" Means From 7:21 pm Onwards

Warren of Noble Park: when using the second-person singular simple past tense verb of “were,” followed immediately by the subject pronoun of “you” to begin a sentence, that sentence should end with a question mark to denote the enquiry implied by your word choice.

Everything else in your letter should guarantee you scoring.

Here's Lyric At You

Composed of three rhyming couplets, this deceivingly simplistic poem expresses a wealth of feeling and demonstrates skill with metaphor, wrapped in a tender declaration of public transport-related love.

The subject of this particular piece of poetry, the ‘fair academy maiden,’ is left intentionally ambiguous by the poet in an attempt to convey the uncertainty of unrequited love and longing affection. This not only helps the reader empathise with the poet, but also encourages them to recall their own memories of unrequited love, thus ensuring a more immersive experience.

After addressing his intended, the self-declared Romeo describes her as not only beautiful, but so beautiful that she is borne down with it (‘with beauty you are laden’). He or she understands what a weight such beauty must be to carry, simultaneously complimenting the maiden whilst demonstrating the ability to look past the superficial.

The third and fourth lines of the poem are fairly lacklustre and straightforward, expressing the hour the poet became smitten followed by a somewhat predictable personification of his soul as property. The rhyme present in this couplet is also the least successful, stringing together phonetic sounds that, whilst similar, do not match and are in fact jarring. It is possible, however, that the poet intended these lines as a clever play on the theme of transportation – the idea that falling in love on a train could result in something so pedestrian.

The lovestruck poet concludes with an ultimatum that the maiden meet him for coffee, providing a final accolade on the sweetness of her eyes. The juxtaposition of the bitter (coffee) and sweet (toffee) within the same notion speaks worlds about the poet’s view of romance, relationships and the unity of opposites; they would complement and balance each other if only they could be together.

A love poem worthy of recognition.

You Should Probaby Rent "The Crying Game" For Good Measure

Two days ago I posted this:







Today came a reply:









I like where this is headed. For anyone else who doesn't know what a Friend of Dorothy is, here's a helpful link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friend_of_Dorothy

Sounds like some hilarious consequences are in store. Now all you need is a girl and a pizza place and you've got yourself a sitcom.

Carry On Commuters

I'd like to thank our special guest contributor for today, Mr. Benny Hill.

Wait, Does That Make Me Aughra?

First one: if you're a Goth you're supposed to embrace your loneliness, it fuels your shitty poetry.

Second one: Emo guy in a baseball jacket. Because nothing says Emo like America's national pastime.

I had to put both of these up at once to prove they ran together, but also because I have this theory that Goths and Emos are like the Skeksis and the Mystics, and one day they'll both journey to the same place and reunite, leaving us alone forever. As for why that hasn't happened yet, blame the fuckin' Gelflings.

She's Probably Paid To Wear That, You Know

If there's one thing women love, it's legislative pick-up lines.

Hush, You Romantic Fool!

No use definite articles. Saves time.

Tet's Offensive

In·do·chi·na – noun
a peninsula in SE Asia, between the Bay of Bengal and the South China Sea, comprising Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand, W Malaysia, and Burma (Myanmar).

Definition courtesy of Dictionary.com